Sunday, June 3, 2012

Rakes, Requiems, and Raindrops

In looking through my older posts for some information, I discovered something today.  Tony has died, though I'm not sure exactly when.  He had scheduled a post to go up later today that went along the lines of 'If you see this, I'm dead, but I took one of you with me,' though in not as kind wording.

I do feel sad for the friend I had long ago, but I am glad that his pain is over. After losing Gabrielle, he wasn't the same.  He let his anger consume him.  He let himself become... something else.  And I'm not referring to his transformation into the Rake-creature.  In the message he intended to go up, he spent more time lauding his kill than focusing on his then-impending death.  He became so consumed by revenge that nothing else mattered.  For what it's worth, I pity him.

He also mentioned others like him.  Rakechildren, he called them.  They seem to be similar to Proxies, but I will have to investigate more to find out.

The place I've been staying recently has been getting a lot of bad weather recently.  Lots of rain.  Raindrops are beautiful things when they fall so slowly.  The puddle's surface dipping, then rising, throwing droplets in the air, and then shuddering back into itself...  First broken, then deformed, and then reformed.  I hope to be like a puddle of water in the rain.  I lost my legs and my parents to a car crash, and I lost my self and Lucia to my pride and power.  Now I've given up my legs for the sake of humility and I rarely use my powers.  But still I don't think I'm worthy of returning to the people I once knew.  It wouldn't be right.  I still feel like there's no place for me.  And by all rights there isn't.  Tony is dead, my old home is destroyed, Lucia probably couldn't forgive me, and the Promethean... I don't even know where he is.  I've looked, but I can't find him.  I can only guess that something has killed him.

I thought that I had managed to build my life up to something that was good.  Lucia gave me the drive and inspiration to make so many good things, but in the end, I really was very selfish.  I worked so much that I really did neglect everything in favor of making more discoveries.  And in the end... I wasn't right for her.  She mad em happy, and lord knows some of our debates on religion were some of the best fun I ever had, but we should have stayed friends.

My tutelage with Vassago made her worry over me when we had known each other for less than a month.  Thinking back, it was really bound to cause us to go into an unripe relationship.  Hindsight is crystalline, I suppose.  But everything seemed so... perfect.  I had my legs again, the power I'd been researching, and a woman who loved me.  It seemed right, like everything had finally fallen into place.

I'm going to try to search out Tony's allies, and possibly the Promethean, if I can find him.  Judging by Tony's comments, the Rakechildren are somewhere near Pittsburgh.

I'll have to change the name on this account back, too.  The picture as well...  I can't stand looking at that picture anymore.

Come to think of it, I wonder if Tony did kill anyone before dying...  Hopefully no one got hurt.